I've always been one of those people that when a problem is confronting, you deal with it, you get past it and live until the next one.
I love my friends more than i could tell. I trust them.
But this
This isn'ta secret that needs trust,
This is shame i hold inside me.
Shame for everyday i live i know i'm doing something wrong.
Well, Not to that extent.
It hurts. I cry so much. It's something i can't do a thing about.
How do i expect people to be there for me when i can hardly look myself in the eye anymore.
All i have wanted, ever.
Was to be that girl everyone wanted to be friends with. The pretty girl, The girl that got all the guys. The girl that was always happy.
I am the opposite of everything i work to be.
To the point where your mum looks you dead in the eye, 5 cm's away from your face.
Tells you to pack up your room because she can't handle you anymore, because you're stressing her so much that you're killing her.
When your dad doesn't speak more than 20 words a day to you.
When your brother tells you every single day that he hates you.
I don't have much family. The family that i do have. Have each said to my face these words -
'Chelsea, we've watched you grow. We watched you turn into this amazing young girl. That went too far. Watch yourself. You're a stuck up cow and it amazes me that you have your friends."
Yes, they tell me they love me and that they're proud of me, but they have to be.
I want there to be one day, where someone tells me that i'm pretty, or i'm a great friend, or that i've made their day. and i don't want it to be because they feel like they have to or they feel sorry for me.
I got off topic.
But, there is so much hurt building inside me, and i'm scared that this time, i can't handle it.