What is going on?

I'm standing there. Watching my favorite people. Listening to my favorite music. The lights are flashing everywhere and my body is shaking from the drums mixing the bass. Everyone around me is dancing, screaming. And I'm just standing there. Blank. Glowsticks are falling on me as they're thrown into the crowd. I reach to grab one, just one. I miss. Then again. Just stand there. Blank.
I could think of you, you only.
I was in the presence of everything that makes me the happiest and you took that away from me. Yes, i do blame you.
I get pushed and shoved and find myself standing on the barrier of the stage.
I let absolutely loose. This glamour is killing me. I'm off the hook and jumping to the music that runs through me. The thought of your hands on me, your lips to mine is gone. I'm enjoying myself.
The boys say goodbye, the lights are off. The people are leaving. Then there you are. In my mind again just waiting to lay it all back down.
I throw my rubbish in the bin as i walk out those doors. I stand in the garden for a second and think. A few tears have rolled down my cheeks.
I whisper 'enough'.
I deeply swallow and know that now, i have let go.
For good.