Okay people.
I don't use a blog to spill the secrets to my life, there is not one person on this planet that knows everything about me.
Everyone keeps certain things personal and people need to respect that.
So that was just me saying that people walk around thinking they know me, no one knows me as well as they think they do.
I am writing this blog in saying that people need to step back.
I'm sick of people abusing. People feeling the need to make me feel like crap just because they have nothing better to do.
Just because I'm not as thin, or as pretty or as smart as other people doesn't differ my rights as a human being.
On to my next point.
Most people can only say this stuff to me over the computer.
Grow up, grow some balls and stop hiding behind a screen.
And most things that people are saying anonymously i can tell who writes them too.
So I'm saying this not just about me, but everyone.
Seriously, grow up - shut up.
We don't need your waste of oxygen put towards our self doubt.
Stop taking interest in others lives because yours are so pathetic.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
What is going on?
I'm standing there. Watching my favorite people. Listening to my favorite music. The lights are flashing everywhere and my body is shaking from the drums mixing the bass. Everyone around me is dancing, screaming. And I'm just standing there. Blank. Glowsticks are falling on me as they're thrown into the crowd. I reach to grab one, just one. I miss. Then again. Just stand there. Blank.
I could think of you, you only.
I was in the presence of everything that makes me the happiest and you took that away from me. Yes, i do blame you.
I get pushed and shoved and find myself standing on the barrier of the stage.
I let absolutely loose. This glamour is killing me. I'm off the hook and jumping to the music that runs through me. The thought of your hands on me, your lips to mine is gone. I'm enjoying myself.
The boys say goodbye, the lights are off. The people are leaving. Then there you are. In my mind again just waiting to lay it all back down.
I throw my rubbish in the bin as i walk out those doors. I stand in the garden for a second and think. A few tears have rolled down my cheeks.
I whisper 'enough'.
I deeply swallow and know that now, i have let go.
For good.
I could think of you, you only.
I was in the presence of everything that makes me the happiest and you took that away from me. Yes, i do blame you.
I get pushed and shoved and find myself standing on the barrier of the stage.
I let absolutely loose. This glamour is killing me. I'm off the hook and jumping to the music that runs through me. The thought of your hands on me, your lips to mine is gone. I'm enjoying myself.
The boys say goodbye, the lights are off. The people are leaving. Then there you are. In my mind again just waiting to lay it all back down.
I throw my rubbish in the bin as i walk out those doors. I stand in the garden for a second and think. A few tears have rolled down my cheeks.
I whisper 'enough'.
I deeply swallow and know that now, i have let go.
For good.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Friday, March 12, 2010
I've always been one of those people that when a problem is confronting, you deal with it, you get past it and live until the next one.
I love my friends more than i could tell. I trust them.
But this
This isn'ta secret that needs trust,
This is shame i hold inside me.
Shame for everyday i live i know i'm doing something wrong.
Well, Not to that extent.
It hurts. I cry so much. It's something i can't do a thing about.
How do i expect people to be there for me when i can hardly look myself in the eye anymore.
All i have wanted, ever.
Was to be that girl everyone wanted to be friends with. The pretty girl, The girl that got all the guys. The girl that was always happy.
I am the opposite of everything i work to be.
To the point where your mum looks you dead in the eye, 5 cm's away from your face.
Tells you to pack up your room because she can't handle you anymore, because you're stressing her so much that you're killing her.
When your dad doesn't speak more than 20 words a day to you.
When your brother tells you every single day that he hates you.
I don't have much family. The family that i do have. Have each said to my face these words -
'Chelsea, we've watched you grow. We watched you turn into this amazing young girl. That went too far. Watch yourself. You're a stuck up cow and it amazes me that you have your friends."
Yes, they tell me they love me and that they're proud of me, but they have to be.
I want there to be one day, where someone tells me that i'm pretty, or i'm a great friend, or that i've made their day. and i don't want it to be because they feel like they have to or they feel sorry for me.
I got off topic.
But, there is so much hurt building inside me, and i'm scared that this time, i can't handle it.
I love my friends more than i could tell. I trust them.
But this
This isn'ta secret that needs trust,
This is shame i hold inside me.
Shame for everyday i live i know i'm doing something wrong.
Well, Not to that extent.
It hurts. I cry so much. It's something i can't do a thing about.
How do i expect people to be there for me when i can hardly look myself in the eye anymore.
All i have wanted, ever.
Was to be that girl everyone wanted to be friends with. The pretty girl, The girl that got all the guys. The girl that was always happy.
I am the opposite of everything i work to be.
To the point where your mum looks you dead in the eye, 5 cm's away from your face.
Tells you to pack up your room because she can't handle you anymore, because you're stressing her so much that you're killing her.
When your dad doesn't speak more than 20 words a day to you.
When your brother tells you every single day that he hates you.
I don't have much family. The family that i do have. Have each said to my face these words -
'Chelsea, we've watched you grow. We watched you turn into this amazing young girl. That went too far. Watch yourself. You're a stuck up cow and it amazes me that you have your friends."
Yes, they tell me they love me and that they're proud of me, but they have to be.
I want there to be one day, where someone tells me that i'm pretty, or i'm a great friend, or that i've made their day. and i don't want it to be because they feel like they have to or they feel sorry for me.
I got off topic.
But, there is so much hurt building inside me, and i'm scared that this time, i can't handle it.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Just read through everything i wanted for 2010.
Okay so yeah i read through the list i made for everything i want in 2010.
it's made me realise how lucky i am
"get a car
get my L's
get a soundwave ticket"
I got home on my birthday and there was a car with a ribbon on it from my parents, and here i was bitching about how they weren't going to give me anything. My parents keep secrets and surprises really well, i should have guessed something would happen.
I got my L's the next day
and a friend sold a soundwave ticket and i managed to get it for 70 dollars.
I really need to chill out, and be more grateful.
it's made me realise how lucky i am
"get a car
get my L's
get a soundwave ticket"
I got home on my birthday and there was a car with a ribbon on it from my parents, and here i was bitching about how they weren't going to give me anything. My parents keep secrets and surprises really well, i should have guessed something would happen.
I got my L's the next day
and a friend sold a soundwave ticket and i managed to get it for 70 dollars.
I really need to chill out, and be more grateful.
Unsure.
Some of you may or may have not noticed,
i've had quite a bit of time off of school lately.
So yeah, i've been sick. Emotionally.
I'm not trying to be all attention seeking here.
It's shown me that i'm fighting for my social life. I'm fighting for relationships with people that i sholdn't be fighting for. And each day, i'll come across a person and say to myself, 'wow i've love to get to know that person' they don't give me the time of day.
I'm sure it's not just me, i'm sure it's happening to alot of people. But what if,
what if we all take a step back and stop focusing on ourselves.
I've done alot of thinking today.
Thinking about everything that is bringing me down.
If there are people that are not in my life i refuse to be blamed. I hang on to the people i get in my life and i fight for them.
So you have a imperfection with yourself. Who cares?
So you're not a size two and people want to scream that out to you. Don't let it get you down,
Do what is in your power to make you feel good, exercise eat less (NOTE: that said eat less, not don't eat).
So you're too tall too small, that is one thing in life you can't control, don't dwell.
So the one thing that really is bothering me is that no one wants to hear it anymore, no one wants to hear your happy or sad stories. My own mother doesn't anymore.
Take a step back think about your friends and family, check to see how they're doing. Happiness doesn't only come from yourself.
A compliment can make someone's day.
Special shoutouts to Belinda as she is now my valentine - 17 days my darling (L)
And yvonne, she's been there all the way.
By the way.
I love new people.
Talk to me :) on facey or MSN whatevz
chelsea_analese@hotmail.com
i've had quite a bit of time off of school lately.
So yeah, i've been sick. Emotionally.
I'm not trying to be all attention seeking here.
It's shown me that i'm fighting for my social life. I'm fighting for relationships with people that i sholdn't be fighting for. And each day, i'll come across a person and say to myself, 'wow i've love to get to know that person' they don't give me the time of day.
I'm sure it's not just me, i'm sure it's happening to alot of people. But what if,
what if we all take a step back and stop focusing on ourselves.
I've done alot of thinking today.
Thinking about everything that is bringing me down.
If there are people that are not in my life i refuse to be blamed. I hang on to the people i get in my life and i fight for them.
So you have a imperfection with yourself. Who cares?
So you're not a size two and people want to scream that out to you. Don't let it get you down,
Do what is in your power to make you feel good, exercise eat less (NOTE: that said eat less, not don't eat).
So you're too tall too small, that is one thing in life you can't control, don't dwell.
So the one thing that really is bothering me is that no one wants to hear it anymore, no one wants to hear your happy or sad stories. My own mother doesn't anymore.
Take a step back think about your friends and family, check to see how they're doing. Happiness doesn't only come from yourself.
A compliment can make someone's day.
Special shoutouts to Belinda as she is now my valentine - 17 days my darling (L)
And yvonne, she's been there all the way.
By the way.
I love new people.
Talk to me :) on facey or MSN whatevz
chelsea_analese@hotmail.com
Friday, February 5, 2010
My story, My side.
Hurt.
I can't think of a better way to describe the way i am right now. Knowing that i'm not good enough for you and that i'm not exactly what you want. It hurts.
I refuse to change myself for who you want me to be. But for now you're just going to accept who you've chosen to be with.
Lies.
Is that all i'll ever know? Is that all i'll ever tell and be told? the secrets that are constantly wrapped around my everyday literature is daunting. Though nothing compares to when you tell me you'll always love me and know that you're not telling the truth it cuts through me worse than committing suicide with a can opener.
Love.
What does that word even mean anymore? You say it to me without even thinking the total toll of those 4 letters. No one within my generation even values the meaning of that word anymore.
Questions
I ask myself everyday. Sometimes i think to myself "what the heck have i gotten myself into!?" i question as to whether i want to be in this what we call relationship, though i'm scared that if i back out i will never forgive myself.
And i did.
And still do.
Nothing hurt more than being ignored and lied to every single day.
I can't think of a better way to describe the way i am right now. Knowing that i'm not good enough for you and that i'm not exactly what you want. It hurts.
I refuse to change myself for who you want me to be. But for now you're just going to accept who you've chosen to be with.
Lies.
Is that all i'll ever know? Is that all i'll ever tell and be told? the secrets that are constantly wrapped around my everyday literature is daunting. Though nothing compares to when you tell me you'll always love me and know that you're not telling the truth it cuts through me worse than committing suicide with a can opener.
Love.
What does that word even mean anymore? You say it to me without even thinking the total toll of those 4 letters. No one within my generation even values the meaning of that word anymore.
Questions
I ask myself everyday. Sometimes i think to myself "what the heck have i gotten myself into!?" i question as to whether i want to be in this what we call relationship, though i'm scared that if i back out i will never forgive myself.
And i did.
And still do.
Nothing hurt more than being ignored and lied to every single day.
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